Just LEAVE Me ALONE - UGH!!

It seems as my Sjogren's worsens so does my irritability. I don't want to be grumpy, b____y, irritable or frustrated but I am. I feel bad about it but I just can't seem to help it. The more stressed I am the crabbier I get and the less people want to be around me - heck I don't even want to be around myself. What is hard to explain and others don't understand is all of that anger and frustration should actually be pointed at myself but it comes out as an attack on others. I lose my patience when I am limited in what I can do or how I can do it and as my frustration grows I lash out impatiently or have a mini melt down. Many people I talk to with a chronic illness say the same thing - being powerless to achieve or do the things we used to do just takes it's toll. So does the fatigue and pain - they wear away at you like water erodes soil - a sometimes slow process that can cause irreparable damage over time. Being grumpy & irritable can also wear away things - important things like romantic relationships, friendships and family connections. These folks already have enough on their plates, dealing with their own baggage, our illness - with all the uncertainty of it and then to have to put up with and try to understand our moodiness can sometimes be too much!! I try to take a deep breath, pinch myself, take my mind to a better place and pet my Cockapoo. Remember - our care givers need to be cared for as well. I try to keep an apology on the tip of my tongue, note cards w/stamps in a drawer and e-cards for emergencies!